Why do we try to become the standard ourselves — the psychological structure of control, recognition, and stability.
Why do we try to become the standard ourselves — the psychological structure of control, recognition, and stability.
In Advanced Level 1, we saw that without a standard above the method, repetition eventually stops. In Advanced Level 2, we saw that when I become the standard, five failures occur. Judgment shifts with mood, comparisons begin, mistakes become identity attacks, relationships turn into courtrooms, and we freeze before choices. So now a more fundamental question remains. Why do humans try to become the standard themselves from the start?
Key Summary.
Humans seek control. To control, they must become the standard. When they become the standard, they inevitably waver.
Three desires converge into one.
Humans have three fundamental desires: to control, to be recognized, and to feel secure. These three may seem different, but they ultimately converge into one: “I must be the standard.” Why is that? Let's dissect them one by one.
Why must one become the standard to control?
What does it mean to control? It means predicting situations, managing outcomes, and eliminating risks. What is needed for that? A standard for judgment. “This is right.” “That is wrong.” “This is how it should be done.” “That must not be done.” Who sets that standard? Jaehyun. Jaehyun planned everything. The schedule, the goals, the career path, the relationships. The moment Jaehyun set the criteria for judgment, Jaehyun became the standard. That's why when the team disbanded, Jaehyun collapsed. It wasn't just because an unforeseen event occurred. It was because the standards Jaehyun set crumbled in the face of reality.
Why does seeking recognition lead to comparison?
What does it mean to be recognized? It means others evaluate me as valuable. But how is value measured? It's measured by comparison. “I'm better than that person.” “I'm worse than that person.” The moment Su-jin opens her SNS, comparison begins automatically. The moment she sees her friend's marathon completion post, Su-jin's 5km is measured. The moment Su-jin compares, the object of comparison becomes the standard. Yet Su-jin set that standard. In that moment, Su-jin becomes the standard. The more she craves recognition, the deeper the comparison. The deeper the comparison, the greater the instability.
Why do we fear failure when we seek stability?
What is stability? It is a predictable state. It is a state without change. But what is failure? It is when predictions go awry. It is when change occurs. This is why Jihoon couldn't sleep before his presentation. Jihoon predicted and expected his presentation to go well. He fears that prediction might miss the mark. Who predicted and expected? Jihoon did. The moment Jihoon predicted, Jihoon became the standard. The more one desires stability, the more one fears failure. The more you fear failure, the greater your anxiety becomes.
A phenomenon that occurs when you become the standard.
Let's see how this structure operates in daily life.
First, every situation becomes a test. Jihoon prepares his presentation. Someone without a standard thinks: “I just need to convey the information well. If it goes well, great; if not, I'll improve next time.” Jihoon, who has become the standard, thinks: "This is a test proving my ability. Success means I'm competent; failure means I'm incompetent." See the difference? The former views the situation as just a situation. The latter views it as a test evaluating their worth. That's why Jihoon couldn't leave the bathroom stall the night before his presentation. He wasn't afraid of presenting. He was afraid of the test.
Second, all criticism becomes an attack. Jaehyun received criticism from his team leader. Someone without standards thinks: “That person disagrees with my opinion. Let me hear why they think that way.” Jae-hyun, who has a standard, thinks this: “That person criticized me. They're ignoring me. They're attacking me.” Do you see the difference? The former sees criticism as a difference of opinion. The latter sees criticism as an attack on themselves. This is why Jae-hyun reacted defensively. The team leader wasn't criticizing the report. It became criticism of the standard that is Jae-hyun.
Third, every failure becomes an existential threat. Su-jin ate a late-night snack while dieting. Someone without a standard thinks: “I ate a late-night snack today. I'll just get back on track starting tomorrow.” Su-jin, who has made herself the standard, thinks: “Why am I so weak-willed? I'm a failure.” Do you see the difference? The former sees failure as an isolated event. The latter links failure directly to their self-worth. In this mindset, routines, effort, and training cannot escape anxiety. If a routine breaks, “I'm incompetent.” If effort fails, “I'm worthless.” If training fails, “I'm weak.” Because everything connects back to “me.”
Self-reflection questions.
Let's honestly examine three things.
Do I view events as events, or as reflections of my worth? My opinion wasn't adopted in the meeting. A's reaction: “My opinion wasn't adopted. Next time, I need to prepare more persuasively.” Views the event as an event. B's reaction: “My opinion was ignored. I'm someone who isn't recognized.” Views the event as a reflection of their worth. Which side are you on?
Do I view mistakes as data, or as my failure? I made a mistake on an important project. A's reaction: “I made a mistake here. I need to analyze the cause and prevent it next time.” Views the mistake as data. B's reaction: “I'm incompetent. I'm not qualified for this job.” Views the mistake as their failure. Which one are you?
Am I already setting my own standards? Which of these statements best describes your frequent thoughts? “I must do this.” “I should be this kind of person.” “I must not make mistakes.” “I must succeed.” “I must be recognized.” “I must be in control.” Do you see the common thread in all these statements? “I” is the standard. You have already become your own standard.
Concrete everyday examples.
Let's compare three situations side by side.
Commute. The subway is delayed. Someone without a standard: “I'll be a bit late. I should contact my boss.” They handle the situation. Someone who is their own standard: “Why today of all days? Why does this always happen to me? I have no luck.” They interpret the situation as their fate.
Friendship. A friend isn't responding. Person without a standard: “They must be busy. I'll reach out later.” They see the situation as just that—a situation. Person with a standard: “They must not care about me. They probably dislike me. I must have no value as a friend.” They interpret the situation as a reflection of their own worth.
Work performance. This month's goals weren't met. The person without standards: “Let's analyze what went wrong and improve next month.” They see performance as data. The person who sets standards: “I'm incompetent. I'm not cut out for this job. I'm a failure.” They see performance as their identity.
Three situations, one pattern. When you become the standard, every situation becomes a tool for evaluating yourself.
Structural Conclusion.
Combining all this leads to one conclusion. We become the standard because we want control. We become the standard because we want recognition. We become the standard because we want stability. Yet the moment we become the standard, the paradox begins. The more we try to control, the more things we can't control become visible. The more we seek recognition, the deeper the comparisons become. The more we crave stability, the more we fear failure. The very way you try to get what you want pushes it further away. This isn't a personality issue. It's a structural issue.
Next step.
Looking at this far raises a more fundamental question. Why were humans designed this way from the start? Where does this structure begin? You weren't born thinking, “I am the standard.” You started thinking this way at some point. When was that moment? Is this learned, or is it structural? If you cannot answer this question, you will only manage the symptoms. Ways to reduce anxiety, ways to manage stress, ways to boost self-esteem. But you won't see the root. Advanced 3 analyzes that root.
👉 [Advanced 3: “If I'm the standard, why do I keep wavering?” View]
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